How to Turn Your Walk Of Shame Into a Stride of Pride

Stride of pride

Keep your head up and smile

I never understood the “walk of shame” concept.

Apparently, you’re supposed to feel embarrassed to walk home past strangers, neighbors, or peers in the morning after a night of partying and sex still wearing last night’s clothes.

But I’ve been walking home past strangers, neighbors, or peers after a night of sex and partying wearing last night’s clothes at all hours of the day (from early morning the next day to early evening the next day, or, sometimes, two days later) for almost 20 years now, and I’ve never ever felt ashamed.

Why would I feel ashamed of having an awesome night and getting laid?!

If there are any self-conscious emotions to be felt, then they should be of the positive type – i.e., pride. But I often don’t feel any self-conscious emotions on the walk home, I simply feel satisified, or satiated, or tired, or in a post-sex afterglow blissfully unaware of the world around me.

So how do you turn the dreaded walk of shame into a stride of pride, (or into a simple slightly tired, but satisfied post-party/sex walk home)? Here are 9 pieces of advice from a seasoned slut with more post-party/sex walks home than most will ever experience.

1. Own your sexual experience.
In other words, don’t do anything you don’t want to do, and do the things you want to do.

2. Don’t get wasted.
I know most hookups happen while wasted, but I’m a strong opponent of drunken sex. A little buzz is OK, but getting smashed before hooking up with someone will seriously impair your ability to make smart decisions about #1. If you or your partner-to-be cross the line from buzzed to wasted, leave the hooking up part for some other time. Please. And if you need to get shit-faced in order to hook up, then you probably shouldn’t be hooking up at all.

3. Have realistic expectations of what the hookup is and what it will lead to.
Sometimes hookups lead to something more; often they don’t. Don’t have unrealistic hopes about what this one will be about. Go into it for the sex and the pleasure that sex will give you. Don’t go into it hoping it will lead to the marriage altar.

4. Carry condoms on you. 
Even if you don’t think you’ll end up needing them; no harm in carrying a couple with you – they really don’t take up that much space in your purse. Having used protection will definitely help keep your head up high on the walk home. If you wanna come really well-prepared, bring lube too. There are really tiny, single-use packets of lube.

5. Try to have an orgasm. Or at least enjoy yourself as much as you possibly can.
I know for some women orgasms are not as easy as for this lucky lady, but put in some effort to try and get one. In hookups, especially with people you don’t know very well, you can’t rely on the guy to know what you want and then give it to you. It’s great when that happens and the orgasms just flow without much effort on your part. But for the many occasions when that doesn’t happen, you need to know your body and what it needs to enjoy yourself (e.g, touching yourself while he plays with your boobs). And then do it or ask the guy to do it. If he doesn’t seem too concerned about your orgasm, demand it from him. Most guys will try to please you, but you have to take the initiative on that one and let them know how they can do that. Walking home after getting an orgasm is so much better than walking home after only giving an orgasm.

6. Carry a toothbrush on you.
There are tiny toothbrushes (single- or multi-use) you can stash in your purse. After condoms, they’re the single best preparatory purchase you can make to keep a smile on your face and the shame at bay the next morning. Passersby may not be able to see that you’ve brushed your teeth, but trust me, walking home with a fresh breath will make you feel clean and oh so much better about yourself.

7. Bring a pair of sunglasses.
Smudged last night’s eye make-up looks far worse than (hopefully) intact last night’s clothes.

8. Keep your head high, look people in the eye, and smile.
Whatever you do, do not look down and away in embarrassment! Even if you don’t feel that way: Science has shown that faking emotions actually leads to feeling those emotions. Plus, it’s harder for people to judge a smiling, happy, scantily-clad woman at 10 AM than a self-loathing, gaze-avoiding, scantily-clad woman at 10 AM. Let the post-sex afterglow wash over your face.

9. If shame creeps up on you, remember: You got laid, and they didn’t.
They’re probably going to work (yawn) where they’re going to be miserable all day (ugh). Or going grocery shopping (yawn). Or walking their dogs (yawn) and picking up poop (ugh). At best, they’re going jogging. You, on the other hand, partied like a rock star. And then you got laid. And it was glorious. And if it wasn’t, so what? What’s it to them?

Ultimately, you shouldn’t give a fuck about what others think. Your life is your life and their life is their life. If you hook up and walk back in the morning wearing yesterday’s clothes, some people will judge you. That’s a given. But if hooking up and partying til the wee hours of the night is what you like doing and you own your sexual experiences, you shouldn’t care about the judgment of those people. They hold a different value set than you do, and they are not ‘your people’. Surround yourself with people who share your values. They exist. They may be more difficult to find if you’re a sex-loving slut than if you’re more of a prude, but they are out there. Go find them. You really don’t need everyone to love you. Do you love everyone? No? That’s what I thought.

There are situations where you can end up a victim regardless what you do. This is not one of these situations. In this case, you can only be a victim if you let yourself be a victim.

Need some help shaking off some slut shame? Check out The Unslut Project.

Similar posts:
9 Reasons You SHOULD Have Sex on a First Date
Waiting for the Perfect Man

Want to find a hookup so you can test the advice? Try Adult FriendFinder.

13 thoughts on “How to Turn Your Walk Of Shame Into a Stride of Pride

      • Never. I attribute the head down to them paying attention to where they are walking though, as most are carrying their heels and barefoot.

        I personally don’t have much experience because I always invited the guys to my place. But I never had shame walking them to the door, that’s a fact!

      • Never. I attribute the head down to them paying attention to where they are walking though, as most are carrying their heels and barefoot.

        I personally don’t have much experience because I always invited the guys to my place. But I never had shame walking them to the door, that’s a fact!

        Stick comment!

      • heh, a pair of flats really helps with that. But that’s a lot of planning, even for me, lol.

        haha, inviting them over is certainly a way to avoid dealing with the walk :)

  1. 100% agree.

    I had this experience semi-recently (for the first time) and I just washed my face and brushed my hair before leaving, and stopped for donuts on the way home, smiling the whole way. I had awesome sex with a fun person, why should I hang my head?

  2. Sex positivity at its finest, really. It’s all about owning it and knowing that people are going to think what they want. Just have to do what you’re going to do and be happy and confident in that. Great post.

    • Thank you, I appreciate it, especially from someone like you :)
      Yep, ownership is key. I’ve had many experiences where I’ve changed people’s minds about sluts and slutiness simply by owning my sexuality.

  3. I’ve never understood why one should be ashamed either. I have nearly always felt like the proverbial million bucks when going home after sex with someone I picked up, or when sending him home from my place. My sluttiness has brought great joy to my life.

    But on the “you got laid; they didn’t” bit: boring-looking, monogamous-relationship-having, fat lady me has had many a wonderful night and/or morning with her cherished and damned-near-priapic submissive lover. Don’t be too quick to assume that someone didn’t get mad laid just because they slept at home and had a change of clothes before going out!

    • Glad to hear from a kindred spirit :)

      That’s a good point about about the ‘you got laid, and they didn’t', and I didn’t mean it in the sense that none of the people you’d run into would’ve gotten laid the night before. but the idea that most of those people probably didn’t have as exciting a night as you did is a helpful thought to entertain if shame starts creeping up on you..

  4. I have such crap fashion sense I wouldn’t be able to spot someone walking home after a night of fun. Not to mention anyone outside in the early morning is probably far more preoccupied with their own problems than some stranger’s.

    • LOL, I challenge you to be on the lookout over the next few weekends :)

      And you’re totally right. Most people won’t even notice you. Most of it is in your head. But that matters just as much, if not more, as what others actually perceive…

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